Human Merchant: Looking for something to add a little oomph in your step?
Human Merchant: That’s your final offer? All right. It’s a deal.
Human Merchant: I only have one left. Some snot-nosed skritt ran off with the other one yesterday. I never got it back.
Human Merchant: Keep touching the goods, boy, and I’ll make you marry ‘em on the end of my dagger.
Human Merchant: Oy, you gonna buy that or just look it to death?
Charr Merchant: We made it in time. Maybe this year we’ll make enough to buy a cow.
Charr Merchant: Do not take your eyes off the merchandise, son. Not for a second. There are thieves everywhere.
Charr Merchant: There’s dark magic here. I sense it in my bones.
Unusual Merchant: Oh, hey there! Would you mind, um… putting that down, please?
Unusual Merchant: Oh, no. Woe is me. Look, messing around with unknown forces has unleashed deadly consequences. Because this has never happened before.
Unusual Merchant: (sigh) Why doesn’t anyone ever listen to me?
Unusual Merchant: My hero. Say, you wouldn’t want to buy that, would you?
Note: The following merchant dialogue are said by multiple unnamed characters throughout the Bazaar.
Merchant: Powdered beet root and other hard-to-find ingredients!
Merchant: Sold! You won’t regret it.
Merchant: Accepting all land-based trade!
Merchant: Best prices in all of Tyria. Special bazaar discounts.
Merchant: Roasted Meats! Cheese! Ale!
Merchant: Fresh from the Gendarren Fields!
Merchant: Don’t miss the best deal on the block!
Merchant: Finest craftsmanship here.
Merchant: My selection is unparalleled.
Merchant: take home a souvenir toothpick!
Merchant: Cinnamon, cardamom, and curry!
Merchant: Bangles for your sweetheart!
Merchant: What’s that you say? Ah. I don’t sell that kind of thing. Try someone else.
Merchant: This little beauty is worth more, but I need to sell it quick.
Asuran Stranger: I’m half afraid to try any of the food here and half thrilled to try something exotic.
Asuran Stranger: Keep one hand on your purse. I just saw someone get pickpocketed.
Hylek Stranger: (laugh) Did you see that? Never in my life have I seen such a thing!
Hylek Stranger: My kind of magic doesn’t use those kinds of foci. I’m a little sickened.
Norn Stranger: I’m surprised all of Lion’s Arch isn’t here.
Norn Stranger: Do you think we could visit the Zypher Sanctum?
Human Stranger: Some of these people are scary. Do you think they’re pirates?
Human Stranger: I hope my mother likes the powdered harpy wig I bought her.
Human Stranger: I simply had to buy it. It was so odd!
Human Stranger: C’mon can’t you try a bit harder? That look on your face is scaring folks away.
Human Stranger: Look alive. Here comes a sucker.
Human Stranger: Welcome to the bizarre bazaar! Shop, haggle and browse your way to a better you!
Human Stranger: Where’d you put my revolver? Oh, I see it. Good. Just in case.
Human Stranger: We’ve already paid for the trip. The rest is ours to keep.
Brat: I want one, Mom. I want it.
Human Stranger: Ok, Ok, sweetie. I’ll get you just one, Ok? Just this once.
Brat: I want two. Mom, I want two!
Human Stranger: Fine. Two. Just this once you can have two, Ok?
Urchin: Better get back. Pappy’s gonna be steaming at the snout.
Urchin: Watch out! I may be small but the parts I can reach are… ooh. Running now!
Urchin: Three booths down from the one-legged man. Three booths down form… oh spit.
Urchin: Oh yes, my lady. Oh no, my lady. Pfff! Witch.
Urchin: Get out of my way. ExCUSE me, you great oaf!
Parker Cole: You better get yourself back to the Arch. It’s not safe to hang around with me anymore.
Jess: Can’t you come with me? I don’t wanna leave without you!
Parker Cole: I’m running out of time to find a buyer, and I don’t want you swept up by the Vigil if they find me first.
Carden: Come on. Are you interested in what I’ve got, or not?
Lonan: What’s your rush? Are you in some kind of trouble?
Carden: You know what? Never mind.
Lonan: No, wait. I haven’t even seen what you have.
Carden: Do me a favour, Ok? Forget I was here.
Andile: What is it you have for me, my friend?
Carden: Valuable goods are what I have. The question is, what can you do for me?
Andile: Not to worry. I’m sure I can give you a fair price.
Carden: That’s really the most you can give me? You’re killing me.
Andile: My friend, I’m making you a very generous offer here.
Carden: You think I’m stupid? That I can’t see you trying to take advantage of me?
Carden: You have no idea what I went through to get this stuff! Forget it. No sale, “my friend.”
Carden: What does it matter how I got this stuff? Do you want to buy it or not?
Penna: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I need to look it over, think on it.
Carden: Think on what? I don’t have time for this!
Penna: Anyone else here is going to want to appraise your wares. That’s how this works
Carden: Why do I need you? I can just sell directly to them.
Penna: (chuckles) Oh, you can, can you?
Penna: I understand these people, how they think, what they want and need. Do you?
Carden: What do you mean? They’re just people, like us.
Carden: Aren’t they?
Carden: OK, you saw the stuff. Make me an offer.
Penna: I’m sorry, I can’t buy that. I know where you got it, and I don’t want any trouble with those people.
Carden: What? You’re killing me here. You know that? You’ve killed me.
Trader Estelle: Take that, you sea scum! And stick those tails between your legs, you mangy dogs.
Trader Aerin: Gah!
Trader Estelle: Aerin?
Trader Aerin: Pirates have tails?
Maddie: (giggle) I am, like, so ready to destroy you! Wooo!
Maddie: Oh, no way! You did not just cheat. You loser!
Maddie: I don’t care what you do. I’m so not even nauseous right now. Shyaa.
Maddie: Wow, seriously? Poor wittle tummy-wummy can’t take it, huh?
Maddie: Ugh, you are such a damper, y’know that?
Caiwyn the Corsair: Don’t I make a dashing pirate? I’ve got the look! Here, I’ll show you!
Caiwyn the Corsair: All hands on deck! I’m going to swig me some swill!
Caiwyn the Corsair: Arrrrrg! This salty sea dog’s only just begun!
Caiwyn the Corsair: Hoo-whoa! That foul-tasting sludge has sure done me timbers a number! (hiccup)
Caiwyn the Corsair: Cheating! Why you… you son of scuttlebutt!
Caiwyn the Corsair: I won? How delightful! I- I mean… how scurvy dog ramparts! Pfah! Pfah!
Berddi: Prepare your pride for a pummelling!
Berddi: Back in my day, we dug tunnels with only this swill to whet…
Berddi: Congratulations. You outdrank a grandmother. Put that on your resume, prodigy.
Berddi: Ack, my old bones, my old… You’re not buying it, are you?
Berddi: As anticipated. You’re a lightweight, junior!
Berddi: Saw that! My faculties may be slowing, but I’m no boob!
Graster Beakerbane: Drinking is like thinking, and I’m a pro at both!
Graster Beakerbane: Not bad. But my calculations still say I have a sixty-eight percent advantage.
Graster Beakerbane: I’ll rearrange your components! Chemistry wins!
Graster Beakerbane: But, statistically, my odds were significantly higher! I… I need to go study
Graster Beakerbane: That’s what happens to chumps who challenge the Beaker warband! (snort)
Adnul Irongut: My gut reigns supreme!
Adnul Irongut: I saw that! Seems your petty palate is already overwhelmed!
Adnul Irongut: Let’s take a moment to appreciate this blend’s bold undertones.
Adnul Irongut: Pace yourself, or you’ll miss the subtle flavors in each sip!
Adnul Irongut: Hah! Looks like someone couldn’t handle that unadulterated taste sensation.
Adnul Irongut: I… I was distracted by the smokey flavour and… smooth finish. (choking cough)
Poyaqui: The sun flows through me. You will fail!
Poyaqui: The eye of the Sun sees all!
Poyaqui: Must not taste the vile… Must overcome the vile!
Poyaqui: You have my respect, tadpole.
Poyaqui: Victory has given me- (gulp)- a second taste to savor. Ugh.
Kookoochoo: (huff) Quaggan is allergic to exercise. (laugh)
Kookoochoo: Coo. You’re going to like this.
Kookoochoo: Here’s quaggan’s impersonation of the hooman mating ritual.
Kookoochoo: Thank you. Thank yooou.
Kookoochoo: Quaggan will now perform a backflip!
Kookoochoo: Thank you!
Kookoochoo: This is quaggan’s impersonation of the famous asuran genius Snaff in his last moments.
Kookoochoo: Doot doo dooo! Welcome to the show. Quaggan’s assistant will make introductions.
Kookoochoo’s Assistant: (clear throat) Gather around, ladies and lords, for the most fandoodling, caniboodling show you’ll ever see.
Kookoochoo’s Assistant: Give a big round of applause for the prince of portly prestidigitation, the baron of blundering bewitchment, the king of-
Kookoochoo’s Assistant: Right. Ladies and laddies, allow me to introduce Kookoochoo the Incredible!
Kookoochoo’s Assistant: What?
Kookoochoo: It’s Kookoochoo the Incredulous.
Kookoochoo’s Assistant: Right. Kookoochoo the Incredulous!
Kookoochoo’s Assistant: I don’t think that means what he thinks it means.
Kookoochoo: How many of you have seen a dragon?
Kookoochoo: Quaggan is half dragon, on quaggan’s mother’s side, at least that’s what quaggan’s father used to say. (chuckle)
Kookoochoo: Apparently, quaggan’s mother was also a witch and a… ooh. Little ears in the audience.
Kookoochoo: You there. What’s your name?
Kookoochoo: RooOOoofus. Are you a quaggan?
Urchin: (laugh) No. I’m a charr.
Kookoochoo: Ooh, phew. That explains the fur.
Kookoochoo: Rufus, quaggan has a job for you. Are you interested?
Urchin: Um, yeah. What is it?
Kookoochoo: See that backet? Quaggan’s going to breathe fire again. If quaggan ignites anyone, you throw water on them. Ok?
Kookoochoo’s Assistant: (laugh)
Urchin: Yeah, Ok.
Kookoochoo: (laugh) Gentlefolk, your lives are in Rufus’s hands.
Kookoochoo: Prepare yourselves.
Kookoochoo’s Assistant: Yeah! Make it burn, my chubby buddy!
Kookoochoo: WooOOooo! And that’s just quaggan’s morning breath!
Kookoochoo: Hey Rufus. Can quaggan ask you a personal question?
Urchin: I guess so.
Kookoochoo: Have you ever wished you were a dragon?
Urchin: I don’t know.
Kookoochoo: What if quaggan could turn you into a dragon? What would you do?
Urchin: I guess I’d fly around an eat cows.
Kookoochoo: Charr… Beef… Quaggan shoulda seen that one coming.
Kookoochoo: All right, Rufus. Quaggan thinks you’re ready to be a dragon. Quaggan’s going to give you the secret.
Kookoochoo: Pssspssssppss pssssppsss. Got it?
Urchin: Got it!
Kookoochoo: Gracious audience, it takes a great deal of focus to release one’s inner dragon. Let’s encourage Rufus!
Kookoochoo’s Assistant: Ru-fus! Ru-fus! Ru-fus!
Kookoochoo: Now do it like quaggan says.
Urchin: (big belch)
Kookoochoo: Okay, that was just the practive one. Let’s try again, and this time, quaggan will do it with you, okay?
Kookoochoo: On three. One. Two…
Kookoochoo: Two and a half.
Kookoochoo: WoooOOOoo! Not a hair was singed on little Rufus’s head… or face… or body.
Kookoochoo: And now, quaggand must go. Quaggan’s assistant will deliver a heartfelt good-bye.
Kookoochoo’s Assistant: Kookoochoo the Incredulous will be her throught the bazaar! We welcome the sounds of clapping hands and jingling coins.
Kookoochoo’s Assistant: Good day to you all!
Kookoochoo’s Assistant: Wow! Now that’s magic!
Note: Braham’s conversation happens in Cragstead.
Braham: I thought maybe, if you want, we could go to Wolf’s shrine together today.
Ottilia: No, thanks. I went earlier and took all my gifts for Wolf then.
Braham: Well, maybe we could eat together this evening? The weather is fair.
Ottilia: I don’t think so. I’m going with Ebbe. He’s a merchant, and he sells furs in all the cities. What do you do?
Ottilia: Exactly. Enjoy growing old in Cragstead like all the others. I’ll send news of my travels. Promise!
Zephyrite: Hi. Are you a charr?
Charr Stranger: Yep. Sure am.
Zephyrite: I’ve never seen one before. The stories all say charr are super scary, but I don’t think you’re scary.
Charr Stranger: Excuse me? I’m plenty scary!
Zephyrite: I dunno. I think you’re beautiful. Your fur is pretty great!
Charr Stranger: I am not beautiful! Though, my fur is pretty great, isn’t it? (chuckle) See ya ‘round, cub.
Asuran Stranger: I really must know. How exactly is it that your city floats? I don’t see any turqoplasm or fizzarrays.
Zephyrite: It’s magic. Magic of the most ancient kind.
Asuran Stranger: Uh, okay. But, what’s your propulsion system? Do you use powered kineogyros or…
Zephyrite: We harness the wind to buoy us and the lightning to give us direction.
Zephyrite: Without wind, we’d fall. Without lightning, we’d stagnate. Without sunshine, we’d starve. All work in harmony.
Asuran Stranger: Ah yes, I finally see. It’s the Eternal Alchemy! Only more primitive… er, I mean simplistic. Um… no offense.
Zephyrite: You… you remember when you were born?
Syvari Stranger: Why yes! We don’t age as you humans do. We emerge fully grown from pods on our mother, the Pale Tree.
Zephyrite: Aspects bless! The world below grows stranger every day.
Human Stranger: I had no idea you Zephyrites were so beautiful. What is it about living in the sky that produces such loveliness?
Zephyrite: Careful, visitor. I was warned about how silver-tongued you land dwellers can be.
Human Stranger: You wound me! I only live to seek balance… and your favour.
Zephyrite: The first must be learned through study. The second, I’m afraid you’ll have to live without. Aspects guide you!
Zephyrite: The city of Lion’s Arch has sent delegates again to try to negotiate a trade agreement with us.
Zephyrite (2): That’s a city of pirates, though they claim they’re no longer thieves.
Zephyrite: The masters would be more accepting if they showed any real interest in our goals and welfare.
Zephyrite: I have a shift in the growing room later today, but first I must do my stretches and practice sparring.
Zephyrite (2): Learn much.
Zephyrite: I feel it when we come down below the clouds. It’s as if a part of my soul is cut off.
Zephyrite (2): You miss the sun. As do I. Don’t forget that the sun’s rays reach us even through the clouds.
Zephyrite: My daughter has begun her Wind lessons. She’s taking to it like a little tornado.
Zephyrite (2): You must be very proud.
Zephyrite: I hear you passed your rank test. Congratulations.
Zephyrite (2): Thank you kindly. I finally conquered lightning bridges.
Zephyrite: And before they conquered you. Well done.
Zephyrite: The crystal growers report that they’ve ground a new load of dust.
Zephyrite (2): Wonderful. We’ll wait until we’re back on high before we seed the clouds.
Zephyrite: You’ll find it disorienting. The land doesn’t move the way our sanctum does.
Zephyrite: I look forward to experiencing it and all those strange people, smells, and sights in the bazaar.
Zephyrite (2): Dangerous people. Do not go alone, and remain as vigilant as the sun’s rays while you’re there.
Zephyrite: Did you hear the warning going around? The masters are concerned that we’ve attracted too much attention this time.
Zephyrite: I heard. They’re worried about thieves. We all need to open our awareness while we’re land-docked.
Zephyrite: I don’t understand why we allow strangers to train in our disciplines.
Zephyrite (2): We learn as much from them as they do from us.
Zephyrite: True, but aren’t we concerned they’ll misuse the knowledge?
Zephyrite (2): I’d rather spread knowledge than hide it. Knowledge itself is neutral, but enough of it can change those who would misuse it.
Zephyrite: Are we expecting any summits or negotiations to stay with us while we’re docked?
Zephyrite (2): Not to my knowledge. The masters didn’t want our trading to interfere with anyone’s diplomatic efforts.
Zephyrite: Alas, alas, we’ve no more peace, no ally from on high.
Zephyrite: We’ll make our way to brighter days and into clearer skies.
Zephyrite: No more to tame the wind and rain, the skies to swallow whole.
Zephyrite: She flies no more in glinting beam and leaves a hollow hole.
Zephyrite: Alas, her magic strewn in sand. Alas, her soul undone.
Zephyrite: The clouds shed tears upon the land for the loss of our crystal sun.
Zephyrite: Alas, alas, how time must pass. Ancient, magical friend.
Zephyrite: So terrible, so dreadful that so treasured should so end.
Zephyrite: (singing) Alas, and so we go…
Zephyrite: (singing) We fly on high into the sky…
Zephyrite: (singing) And cry, “Alas, alas, alas…”
Zephyrite: The dragons are not inherently evil, children. They’re natural. They’re forces of nature as are the wind, the sun, and the lightning.
Zephyrite Child: But they kill so many people. Doesn’t that make them evil?
Zephyrite: Have you not known wind or sun or lightning to kill people?
Zephyrite Child: Well, yes.
Zephyrite: There you have your answer.
Zephyrite: Glint, my darlings, was the greatest dragon of all, though she was not one of the most powerful.
Zephyrite Child: She spoke to people with her mind.
Zephyrite: That’s right. And because she could hear our thoughts, she came to know and love us.
Zephyrite Child: She wanted us to have peace.
Zephyrite: That’s right. And because she could hear our thoughts, she came to know and love us.
Zephyrite: Yes, and she died trying to protect us from the forces of nature that would swallow us whole.
Zephyrite Child: Teacher, why do the dragons want to hurt us?
Zephyrite: The dragons are like the ocean tides. They don’t think about the people who will be trapped and drowned as they rise.
Zephyrite: They only know that it’s time to rise, so they do. If anything, they hungers for magic, the world’s magic, which they consume.
Zephyrite: It makes them more powerful and dangerous. It’s smart to not get caught in the wrong place when the tide is coming in. Right?
Zephyrite Child: Right!
Zephyrite Child: Who will protect us now that Glint’s dead?
Zephyrite: You needn’t worry. There are many great people out there who will continue the fight. You’ve heard of Eir Stegalkin?
Zephyrite Child: She’s the great norn who fought beside Glint and nearly killed Kralkatorrik.
Zephyrite: Exactly. She lives still and walks the face of Tyria hunting the dragons. She’s not alone, either. She has many allies.
Zephyrite Child: I wish I could meet her one day.
Zephyrite: I wish it for you.